I'll Be Your Good Karma If You'll Be Mine

Like a lot of people, karma--basically, the idea that people get what they deserve, good or bad--has been very appealing to me. I watched patiently, diligently for people who have wronged me in heinous ways to get their inevitable visit from karma. I have been disappointed thus far. They haven't gotten what I think they deserve for their crimes. Meanwhile, I've watched good people I love and care about suffer circumstances that there's no way they deserve.

The only logical conclusion is that there is no universal karmic justice. When I think about karma, I'm usually focused on how "bad" people deserve to be punished and how "good" people should be showered with blessings or at least be spared from suffering. Life isn't fair, and quite frankly, if we want to discuss what people deserve, none of us deserve anything...except maybe death. We don't deserve love, forgiveness, or kindness. We do, however, need these things.

I don't really believe in good and evil, but for the sake of keeping things simple, there is both good and evil in all of us. That may be difficult to see sometimes--especially the goodness in the people we've determined are evil. Most people don't do bad things to hurt others on purpose. All that pain and suffering we think others have inflicted on us is simply a byproduct of those people trying desperately to ease their own suffering, to appease their personal demons. Judgment and punishment will not cause some epiphany that changes them or their behavior. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, and if we all got the karma we deserved, we'd all be dead.

I propose another way. I propose that we forgive others the wrongs we think they have committed against us. (That doesn't necessarily mean restoring those relationships. More on the difference between forgiveness and restitution some other time.) I propose that whenever possible, we shower each other with kindness. I propose that we give love without conditions or ulterior motives and with no thought of what we want, expect, or think we deserve in return. Not because any of us deserve forgiveness, kindness or love, but because we all desperately need forgiveness, kindness, and love.

This is how we make the world and our own lives better and happier and more fulfilling, not by waiting for karma to give us our just desserts.

I'm tired of watching people I love wonder what they've done to deserve the hardships in their lives. I'm tired of watching the people I love senselessly suffer because they think karma is paying them back for the wrongs they have committed against others in the past. I'm tired of watching people believe their somehow superior to others because they hit the luck jackpot and have a relatively easy, pain-free life.

Redemption arcs are my favorite character arcs, and while none of us deserve redemption, we all need it. The only karma I see in this world is what we dole out to one another. I for one am tired of playing judge, jury, and executioner. From here on out, I'll be your good karma if you'll be mine. And even if you won't, I won't be your bad karma delivery service. If it turns out karma is real, why not sow as much love as you can to come back to you?

Filling Holes

You know that hole people talk about? The one we're all trying to fill with something we think will make us whole, happy? Some try to fill it with a significant other or sex, drugs, alcohol, work, exercise, food, religion. Religious people will try to convince you that only god can fill that hole, but that hole inside you isn't god-shaped, or food-shaped, or any other shape. Maybe I'm late to the party of understanding, but I realized today that hole is an absence of love, and the only way to fill it is with love. 

I've been desperately wondering my whole life why my family doesn't love me, why my romantic partners over the years haven't loved me, why my friends don't love me. The truth is they just don't know how, and quite frankly I'm tired of trying to earn other people's love. Nor am I interested in trying to explain to people how to love me. For the most part, I'm not even sure any one of these people is capable of loving me the way I need to be loved. The only person who can do that is me. I'm a little bit resentful about that right now, but I imagine I'll come around eventually. I'm already starting to just a little bit.

There's a lot of talk these days about self-love, but I haven't encountered very many people who seem to actually know how to do it. Apparently, it's pretty simple. You think about what you'd like other people to do to show you that they love you. Then you do those things for yourself. I'm still pretty new to taking care of myself, and this sounds like a raw deal to me. The whole point is that I want someone else to love me and take care of me. At some point, however, you have to face the truth. Well, I do, at least. No one is going to do it for me. In 39 years of life on this planet, no one has stepped up and loved me in the ways I feel loved. So it's gotta be me. It's me or nobody. I might not like it. I might hate it even. And trust me, I do. But these are my options.