Accountability

Achieving one's goals requires a high level of accountability. For me, accountability means reporting on my progress and reflecting on my choices. I have created spaces in my life for support groups connected to specific goals, but I don't always like such compartmentalization. Everything is interconnected, and seeing the connections is how I stay the course for my  long term goals. It's easier to drink a protein shake for breakfast instead of going to McDonald's for a McGriddle (one of today's challenges) if I see it as more than just a choice to eat healthy but as a choice to save money as well.

It can also be difficult to navigate group spaces, which are shared with others. I want a space of my own. I have many blogs, but each is tied to one specific area of my life, and probably as a direct result of that has been long abandoned. I need a "me" space, a space where I can share and reflect on everything, all the areas of life I'm trying to improve against all odds: work, home, family, finance, healthy eating, exercise, spiritual growth, relationships. You name it, I'm probably trying to work on it.

Calling myself Wonder Woman might be a bit grandiose, but I'm hardly the first woman to do it. I have a tendency to take on and accomplish more than most people. I set what might seem like impossible standards, and then I find a way to measure up to them. I dream big. I vanquish all that stands in my way. No enemy has ever defeated me. It's time, though, to start redefining my enemies, so I can build the life I want, the life I deserve.

My primary enemy right now is my attitude. I hear myself saying "I can't, I can't, I can't." The truth is I'm just lazy and don't want to follow through on the behavior changes necessary to achieve my goals. I have to start responding to myself like all the people in my past who told me I couldn't do the things I wanted: "Fuck you. Watch me." I let their doubt fuel me. I need to turn my own doubt into fuel.

I started today. When I woke up this morning, I wanted McDonald's for breakfast. With my vacation coming up, I don't need to be spending money eating out, but that hasn't stopped me any other day this week. These poor food choices aren't just fucking over my budget though. They're blowing up my waist line. One bad choice doesn't seem like a big deal, but they add up over time. Today I decided to start making better choices.

I made myself a protein shake for breakfast: tropical fruits (pineapple, strawberry, mango), spinach, almond milk, and my vanilla protein powder. I know it's good for me, not just my health but for attaining financial freedom and building body I want. I made a cucumber salad recipe I've been wanting to try before I headed to the gym. That way I knew I'd have something healthy waiting for me when I got home. I ate half a red pepper on my way out and a chocolate Quest bar on my way to the gym. I hit the weights. Hard. I'm on my second 32 ounce bottle of water today, and I did eat the cucumber salad for lunch. Once again, a cheeseburger would taste so much better. It would satisfy my cravings. But I know what I'll feel like later if I succumb to that. Cucumber salad it is.

When I have these fights with myself, I have to remember that the one I feed (literally!) wins. Who do I want to be? What kind of life will I live? The woman I feed will determine these outcomes. I'm tired of losing to myself. I'm tired of sacrificing what I really want to momentary pleasures. I am Wonder Woman. If I can conquer the world, I can conquer myself.